Saturday, May 14, 2011

Mother's Day

Just a quick observation. Right before Mother's day, I read on an adoption board, a woman who was upset that her agency sent her an email card saying Happy Mother's day. She, and others who responded thought her agency was callous to send such a greeting to a woman who was not yet a mother, but was waiting. I found this very interesting, especially since being in this process, I have constantly read and heard the term "paper pregnant". Having never been pregnant myself, I am only going by observations, but I seem to recall people wishing "Happy Mother's Day" to pregnant women. Did this upset them? I suppose it could have, even though they did not express it. So if we as waiting couples, (or singles) are "paper pregnant", why shouldn't we enjoy a Happy Mother's day greeting? We have gone through tons of mental preparation to get to the point of wanting to adopt. We have filled out tons of paperwork, and answered many questions about why we wanted to become mothers and fathers. I think we should enjoy this time as much as we can. Full disclosure, we are about to hit our one year mark in waiting, so I know the waiting can be hard, but I just can't get upset if someone would want to wish me a Happy Mother's day, knowing all that we have gone through in order to be parents, and knowing we are going to be parents, sooner or later.

What do you think? Have you been in this position before? Would it upset you too?


  1. I think that adoption, like pregnancy, holds the promise of being a parent, but society bestows the title of 'parent' on those who are actively parenting/or have actively parented.

    While it is likely true that if one waits long enough, there will be a baby/child at the end of one's adoption journey, that is simply not always the case. I think that celebrating/acknowledging mother's day/father's day/grandparent's day may be premature.

    And, FWIW, I do not agree with, like, or use the term "paper pregnant".

  2. Being pregnant does not always mean there is a baby at the end of that journey either. That is called life, there are no guarantees. Obviously going through all of the stuff you go through in adopting is not the same as being pregnant, but I see nothing wrong with using the time before you bring baby home as a time of excitement, preparation and even some anxiety. Which is why the term "paper pregnant" is used, and I get why it is used.
    Thanks for giving your perspective :)
    I like having the dialogue and hearing other sides!